Day in the Life ^10

It is over, I don’t know how I should feel or what it is I expected to feel.  The most overwhelming feeling however is sadness.  Not because it was my last meet but because It was a failure in some sense.  To go into detail, would be painful to say the least, its the same feeling you would get if you walked into your favorite restaurant to get your favorite dish and they said they didn’t have it or any others you raved about.  You would feel lost as to why you even came here for sure there were other cheaper, closer options that would have most likely fulfilled your ambitions in attaining a tasty meal.  That’s how I feel, I could have done a lot in the past 3 years but I chose the Decathlon, I choose the pain, I choose early mornings, long afternoons, and sure muscles on a daily basis.  I choose to go through this all and now I’m not sure why I did.  The mission is complete in one sense, I could walk away, throw away the 10 pairs of spikes 2 pairs of trainers 1 pair of flats and say…”nice! now i get to be normal”… but I won’t.  I’ll do what all competitors do…refuse to except the boundaries of our situation… so at that I can put an ending to a story.

So to me this blog will end, not to say It wont be posted on in the future but to say this is the final chapter in the series with an open ending for w.e the future holds.  it will no longer be relevant though for myself, for my mission, my ambitions have changed in a way that only those who have walked this path can imagine.

mangusson asked: Where do u go to school? And PR in dec?

My P.R is 5980 as of 2011

Is it worth it all?  Track is an unforgiving sport, that takes more than it returns on all levels.  It you follow this you will have noticed I haven’t written a thing in 4 months..the explanation..Track!  More precise indoor track,that’s ok, because I did it, I reached my goal, in fact, I smashed it to bits.  Set the School Record in the Heptathlon, score at the Atlantic 10 conference meet, become an all New England competitor, as cheap as that sounds.  But I did it, so shouldn’t I be happy? Shouldn’t there be a nice walk into the sunset like in all the great sports stories? 

Granted track never stops and Outdoor was within weeks of smashing my goals, but still, shouldn’t there be a weight lifted of my shoulder?  A night out to say great job kid, you did what no other has done!  Sadly all of that B.S. about the walk into greatness is nothing more than a teaser, because in track you are undoubtedly connected directly to the ancient Greeks who started athletics.  400m hasn’t changed even if the surface and the shoes have.  if your a 60 sec 400m runner you will always know that anyone who runs less than 60 secs is faster and all that run slower are in fact slower.  Track isn’t like any other sport….could a player in FIBA ASIA basketball game be compared to the great Wilt Chamberlain even if both scored 100+ points?  The fact is the both were literally and figuratively playing a different game….in different centuries, teammates, opponents, league…they shouldn’t even be said to have played the same game…records and skills are only to be compared by those who sit on the sidelines and believe that his ability to bounce that ball with one hand rather than two has propelled his success.

Track is the worst sport for one simple fact…YOU KNOW HOW MUCH YOU SUCK!…except for the .01% of the community that are at the top of their event/distance…(i.e. world records).  So is track worth it? Not if you want to Live like society says you should.  Because not only will you inevitably loose a race you will loose a lot more, those late night parties, those weekend trips during the spring, those sunday mornings watching cartoons.  All will be spent doing track, if you truly wish to succeed, it will be done without thought, more as a reaction to the date changing, and the seconds rolling by.

Personally I’ve given up more than I care to admit. So as my career comes to an end, its a simple question..What is next?  Workouts will no longer be made and scripted to help the team win a championship by placing me in an event i can score more points in.  Saturdays will not have to consist of blood, sweat, sand, high jump pads, water pits, concrete circles, fiberglass poles….and those 400m of rubberized surface.  So what do I do…I’ve traded in relationships for a few seconds, mm….maybe even cm and m in some cases.  I’ve wasted days of sleeping in to be able to lift things and put them down.  I’ve destroyed my body and require constant medical care just to be able to walk some days… I’ve traded a lot…but is it worth it…is it worth it to give your soul to something that knows you not as a person but a time or a distance?..As far as track im not Mark Hewitt…I’m 4495pts in the Hepthatlon….1.94m in the H.J…..4:25 in the 1500. etc.  I’ve lost who I am to a sport that only cares to tell me how much I suck.  Its not negative its the reality of the sport for the 99.99% of the athletes.

So I ask you is it WORTH it?

My answer- write out your gains vs. loses….if you’ve lost more than you’ve gained..you should be proud, because you did what very few have done, you’ve given it all just for a shot to be something more than a time or distance…to be that .01%….so its not a failure its just reality